And it shall be......

I like the change of color in my post. Brings....difference.....change......adjustment.....afterthoughts.....new. I'm not sure what it is about the new look that makes me want to continue but change is sometimes refreshing. If only I could decide what I like best. What feels best. I could finally be satisfied until I get bored again and have to change it up a bit.
Look at me, I'm writing again and it hasn't even been a week. Wow!
Decided what to write about isn't hard this time but deciding on what color to stay with is actually a harder thing to do today. Maybe this one is good. Brighter, outspoken, very assertive. But will it turn people off. Will my numbers of views go down. LOL I think I have 3 people. But hey if it goes down to just me then will my life seem useless. I hated that dark purple and this color seems like puke. Maybe something bold! Are you getting sick of the change? I'm sick of it too but I just can't figure out if I should be writing in bright, dark, neutral or something like this grey. In between too boring or not enough contrast.
This is how my life feels like. I can't decide what to do, where to live, how to go about things, over thinking and not going anywhere but in circles.
My daughter is feeling the same way. She's realizing where she feels she fits in, how she feels about others and doesn't know which road to take either. I'm no help, at this point. I trust god has a plan but I worry I'm just too lazy and won't want his way. I fear I'm going to become a nothing. A boring "grey" mother and woman. I feel I'm not living up to my potential. I'm getting depressed again not knowing what to do. I wish life did have a road map set in stone for me at times.
Lately, I've been watching my daughter struggle growing up. She's very hard on herself and expects herself to be perfect. As a teenager I too did the same thing. I think most teens do. I wonder if its our mistakes we make as teens that make us adults learn to let go of the perfect life we expected us to have. But I can't say this is true. I look to men and women that had a dream and never gave up on it and achieve their happiness. Are they truly happy though? I don't know. Would they rethink they're goals and go another way if they didn't feel the drive and will power to achieve their dreams?
I constantly think and rethink these thoughts. Daily. I wonder if I'm making excuses for myself. I love being a stay at home mom but the fact that I can't be this, because I'm a single mom, what's the best job to have that will let me be both. I want to be "somebody". I'm sure my daughter feels the same way. She has 4 years until she's able to go on her own. Will she be like me, clueless, or will she figure out what she wants and goes for it?
As frustrated as I am, I sit up writing these thoughts. I rehash the same things. Hoping to have a new thought that will motivate me one way or another. 
Am I destined to do something great? Is being a supportive mom all that's in it for me? Will my kids look at me when grown to be a wonderful example or will they wish I'd have been different?
I just don't know what to do? When will my a ha moment come? I want my story to be as the scriptures say and it shall be.............
Please just give me a sign!